The Math No One is Doing About AshleyMadison.com

The 10 cities with the most Ashley Madison members per capita are: Washington, D.C. 
(pop. 658,893) San Antonio 
(pop. 1.409 M) Phoenix 
(pop. 1.513 M) Salt Lake City (pop. 191,180) Oklahoma City
 (pop. 610,613) Pittsburgh (pop. 305, 841) Boston (pop. 645,966) Chicago 
(pop. 2.719) Dallas (pop. 1.258 M) Orlando (pop. 255,483) OKAY, FOR SERIOUS, SALT LAKE IS ONE TENTH, one TENTH! THE SIZE OF THE #2 AND #3 SPOTS. It’s 30% of D.C. and OKC and Boston, half of Pitt, I don’t even want to do the math against Chicago… Reorder those by population. I need someone else to do the math, but what percentage of the TOTAL population of Salt Lake had to be on AshleyMadison.com to get us to the NUMBER FOUR spot! Holy crap. I mean, really. ASHLEY MADISON HAS THIRTY-SEVEN MILLION USERS. THIRTY. SEVEN. MILLION. SALT LAKE’S 191K PEOPLE RANK #4 (please for the love of god will someone do the math on that for me?) The problem isn’t that people are cheating. It’s that a whopping percentage of people who live in my city are so unimaginably lacking in something in their marriages that they’re looking elsewhere. An unimaginable number of people. Why aren’t we talking about that? Add the fact that I live in a predominantly religious place (like, SUPER religious). Over 40% of the population is Mormon. Is it just the other 60% that are on AshleyMadison? Doubt it. (Again, someone do the math, will ya? It’s probably staggering.) Share...
The AshleyMadison Twist We’re Not Discussing

The AshleyMadison Twist We’re Not Discussing

Sooooooo AshleyMadison…. Lots of jokes about the recent hacking of adultery site AshleyMadison.com this week, lots of anger, probably a lot of unexpected conversations happening in homes across the globe. I live in the #4 spot. (and if I were smart enough to do math, that would be a bigger impact than anyone is willing to chat about) We’re so busy shaming all the adulterers and pointing fingers and laughing about karma that we haven’t thought about WHY? 37 Million. That’s a lot of people who are looking outside their marriages for connection. That’s what sex is, right? Connection? I mean, even in this YOLO generation, sex is the ultimate connection, even if it’s only love for seven minutes, it’s still love. What are we missing? What makes THIRTY. SEVEN. MILLION people want to hookup with someone other than their spouse? What have we broken in the institution of marriage that created AshleyMadison in the first place? I’ve encountered a lot of information about this over the last year. I’ve talked to a lot of my friends about marriage and tribe and if we’ve gotten it all wrong in the last couple hundred years since we stopped arranging marriages for money and power and let people pick their own life mate (possibly effing it up along the way). In my research, I became enamored with Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. The book is beyond fascinating and a must-read for marrieds (or anyone having sex). I found an interview with Ms. Perel and pulled out the parts that apply to my questions about the AshleyMadison kerfuffle.   EP: In dating,...

My Kid Stole $50 Bucks. #parentingfail

After an incident at the swimming pool snack shack, I found out my kid stole a $50 bill out of his grandma’s cashbox. Then he lied to me about it. Three times. I grounded him for a year. He made a scene… enter typical in-public parenting nightmare. But what’s stuck with me wasn’t the stealing or the lying or the remorseful crying and apology. It was what happened later that night as we lay in bed talking about it. First, he’s six. But sometimes he’s sixty. He’s soulful and intuitive and scarily manipulative. So, you know… an adult in a short body. I try to treat him like an adult, always have. I don’t dumb down words or questions or the way we interact. His older brother is a smarty pants too and I’d like to think it’s because I’ve always treated them as short people (or maybe I’m just a lucky SOB, in which I’ll take it.) Anyway, we were talking about the crime and punishment and his emotions about it, then, as he started to slide off the bed, he paused and looked at me with those huge blue eyes and said, “What would you have done? If you were me, what would you have done?” It was one of those pivotal parenting moments and I knew it by the slowing of my heartbeat and the prickling of the hairs at my nape. I knew this day would come–when they asked about sex, drugs, smoking… I hadn’t planned on it coming with stealing–or so early in his life. I’ve always wondered about the best way to handle...

Let’s talk about sex, Baby.

Last weekend I spoke to a standing room only crowd about sex.  The topic of the panel was: Romance, More Than Just Sex. Which is true, romance is about far more than sex, but I want to dive into something deeper. Something that resonated with me both during the talk and long after, something that’s bugged me for a long time, but I’ve only just now been able to dial in after being on that panel and taking part in the conversations it incited. On the panel I was the funny one, the single writer behind the table who not only wrote open door sex scenes, but explicit ones. I was sandwiched between some amazing writers who for whatever their personal reasons–and for some of them it was the genre that they wrote in–they’d chosen not to write about sex.  The panel was fantastic and I made everybody laugh with my ballsy, irreverent comments (no surprise there!) and interestingly enough, a lot of the questions were for me.   Q: How do you deal with family members when they learned that you wrote about sex A: You mean, when they asked for tips? *laughter* Q: Why do you feel like you need to write explicit scenes? Why not close the bedroom door and let the readers’ imaginations fill in the blanks? A: I’ve exposed every rawness and vulnerability my characters have, I’ve made them face fears and doubts. I think it’s a disservice to my readers to leave them out of the most vulnerable moment two people/characters can have. Q: How much sex was too much sex? Sometimes I worry about whether I should have her...

The Ultimate Saturday Sneak Preview

Hey guys, I wanted to post a super long teaser to help ease the time until Night Storm hits the shelves, so that’s why it’s over here instead of on the FB page. Enjoy :) (and thanks for being patient with me on this one) Chapter One Gone. My baby sister is gone. Lost in the universe as a time traveler with no idea how to control her ability. This is all my fault. The worn walls of the ancient tattoo parlor spin and bile surges up the back of my throat. I sit up quickly and rush out with barely an apology to the grizzled artist. I grab Ilif by the lapels of his pristine suit jacket and stiff-arm him, shoving him against the side of the building. “How did this happen!” I scream. “We were supposed to keep her safe.” “No, Evy,” he says and manages to look down his nose with disdain while I press my curled fists tighter against his chest. “You trusted Penya with that. Until you’re willing to see that Penya is not who you believe her to be, she will always be one step ahead of you. I know all too well the lengths she’ll go to to get what she wants. You never should have made her aware of Tiana’s ability to travel.” I slam him against the wall again. Fear and anger fight for control and it’s all I can do to keep my lightning in check so he doesn’t disappear. “How do I find her?” He shakes his head. “You’re asking the wrong person. You need to find Penya.”...